Make sure that you are seen by a lactation consultant immediately following the birth. The trauma of an unexpected surgery can cause many women to have difficulty producing enough breastmilk. Even under the best of circumstances breastfeeding doesn’t always work right away, sometimes there are issues with the baby like tongue or lip ties that cause a poor latch. Sometimes there are issues with the positioning of the baby or the milk supply of the mother. If any of these issues goes uncorrected for more than a day it can cause the mothers nipples to get extremely sore and chafed which can in turn lead to the maternity nurses offering the mother a nipple shield. Nipple shields can offer short term relief from pain but they frequently cause a whole host of increasing difficulty and problems with the baby’s latch and the mothers milk supply and they usually don’t resolve the underlying cause. Not all maternity nurses are equally knowledgable or experienced in breastfeeding support. A trained lactation consultant or International Board Certified Lactation consultant (IBCLC) or even a volunteer breastfeeding councilor can really help you get off to the best possible start in your breastfeeding relationship.

Happy to report Frankie is doing amazing with the new dynamic of being a big sister. Overall she’s indifferent about her baby brother. What impresses me most is her patience with my limited interaction and attention. Also her calmness as she watches her brother nurse around the clock. I actually nursed Frankie through pregnancy, 1-2 times a day. This morning I woke up engorged with my new milk supply. It was such peace of mind to nurse Liam while Daddy and Frankie read books next to us. Once Liam finished I invited Frankie to help relieve the other side (so much better than a pump!)…she didn’t fuss once while waiting her turn and she listened when I said “ok, after I sing three songs we’ll be all done nursing.” She immediately released and continued to happily read books. Celebrating the small victories and prepared for the ebb and flow which is sure to come as we transition to a family of four. Taking it one day at a time.

Rhiana Westlund

1. Breast Pump
2. I had stopped breastfeeding the second day home. My daughter never latched on. The entire stay in the hospital I had to pump. The pump in the hospital was much more powerful and it didn't take long. Additionally my milk was not enough for my daughter and she continued to lose weight beyond the initial couple days. We had to supplement with formula in the hospital otherwise she would have to have stayed longer. I have since read that statistics show C-section births often do not breastfeed as long. It was ok. My baby got the first 6 days of my breast milk, meaning she got the crucial time which has the most antibodies to pass on.

-Karen Hiemer

The next day as I was recovering and attempting to collect the colostrum that was pouring out of me, we realized we hadn’t heard from Children’s Hospital yet. We called and got the line transferred at least 5 times before someone told us that they had attempted her procedure and her heart stopped. For half an hour. And she had a brain hemorrhage. We asked if she was going to make it, and they told us to get to Children’s right away.
The next 48 hours are a complete blur. The nurses at Tufts handed me a handful of Percocets and I was literally running through the hospital to get in a cab. I never felt much pain. I never felt anything. I was also never able to make breast milk after that.

I wish someone would have told me the emotional and psychological strain that a c-section puts on you. It’s harder, or sometimes impossible, to make breast milk and that’s okay.

-Raleigh Russel

Because of her traumatic birth my baby needed to be intubated and tube fed and she was not able to take any food by mouth for the first three weeks. The morning after she was born I was introduced to a breast pump. I had never even thought about pumping milk, I assumed I would be breastfeeding my baby. It quickly became apparent to me that the only thing I had any control over in this scary situation was my own breasts. My baby was so far out of my control and we weren't even able to hold her or do anything for her at first so pumping milk became my central mothering focus. Luckily Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) has a dedicated pair of trained lactation consultants on rotation and they showed me how to use the pump and explained very bluntly what would happen to my milk supply if I didn't follow their rigorous schedule. They put the fear in me and I pumped my colostrum and breast milk around the clock, setting my alarm to wake up every two hours through the night. The process was exhausting: assembling the pump, staying awake for the full 20 to 30 minutes of pumping, collecting and labeling the milk, cleaning all the parts and then falling asleep only to have to do it all again in 2 hours. Nevertheless I persisted and I was very lucky that my milk supply came in with no issues. After the first week of being given only IV vitamin nutrients and colostrum on a q-tip my baby was finally well enough to be able to be fed my milk exclusively through a tiny feeding tube that went in her nose and directly down into her stomach. Luckily by then I already had amassed a good supply of frozen colostrum and milk for them to feed her.

After two weeks of being intubated the breathing tube was removed and then a week later she was finally able to try breast and bottle feeding for the first time at 23 days old.When we first tried breastfeeding she surprised the nurses by being able to latch on right away but it was too tiring for her so she wasn't able to get enough milk. We worked really hard every day trying to teach her how to take all her milk orally by both breast and bottle. After 5 weeks in the NICU she was well enough to be discharged but she wasn’t strong enough or coordinated enough to get her nutritional needs met by oral feeding alone and she was still getting more than half her milk through the feeding tube at every meal. In order to get us discharged home without her needing a long term feeding tube I spent a week with her in a special rehab hospital just teaching her to drink from a bottle. It was hard work and I still had to pump every two hours to keep up my milk supply because she wasn’t able to nurse efficiently herself. After a week of trial and error and really intense effort she finally understood how to effectively suck from a bottle and we were given permission to go home.

Once we were home I went through another intense week-long process of teaching her how to breastfeed. We began with a nipple shield and I tried many different positions to help her latch more deeply. The two most helpful tools for me were “biological or laid back nursing” and “the deep latch technique”. After several days of frustration, tons of internet research and endless hours of really focused effort she learned how to nurse with a nipple shield. I remember the first time we left the house without the ball and chain of breast pumps and bottles. It was amazing. The feeling of liberation and freedom was incredible, just me and my baby out in the world living our lives! After another few days of intense effort I was able to slip the nipple shield away and have her continue nursing without it and then we were truly free, not reliant on any devices or tools, just me feeding my baby the way I had always imagined it. By the time she was two months old our nursing relationship was solid. I feel really lucky that she was able to adapt and learn a whole new way of drinking milk so many times, first the bottles, then the nipple shield and finally just my breast.

She had tongue and lip ties which had to be remediated (cut) by a specialist oral surgeon when she was four months old and after that her latch got much better and she stopped making gulping and clicking sounds when she nursed and she began to really gain weight. It's been smooth sailing ever since and now at two years old she still nurses throughout the day. Our breastfeeding relationship is so sweet and intimate (and sometimes hilariously goofy) I’m so glad that we were able to create this lovely connection after such a tough start.

-Katrina Nevin

Resources

https://www.llli.org/

La Leche League International (LLLI) wrote the classic resource book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and the organization is dedicated to supporting and educating women around the world in all aspects of the breastfeeding relationship from birth to toddlerhood. You can ask your hospital if they have a La Leche League certified breastfeeding consultant on call.

https://kellymom.com/

Kelly Mom was the most useful resource for me when I was researching the best way to use a breast pump, ways to increase my milk supply, methods to switch from bottle feeding to breast feeding, using a nipple shield correctly and then weaning off the nipple shield, tongue ties and more!

Today, at almost 5 months postpartum, I have a slight soreness in my stomach where my pant line lands. I am still wearing leggings or my maternity jeans for comfort in that area, hoping it will pass with time.

-Emily LaPierre

My children are 26 and 28 years old now. It was a long time ago. I feel like I am fully recovered. I felt fully recovered pretty early on. The only little reminder I have is when I stand at the kitchen sink to wash dishes. I guess I tend to lean into the counter a little. The edge of the counter top comes right to where my C-section incision is. It's not what I would call a pain or even a discomfort, it's just a strange little awareness that it's the same place where my c-section scar is.

-Cindy Krauss

Today my body is great. I absolutely feel fully recovered. Actually, that's not true, because carrying twins gave me Diastasis Recti. I still have an ab separation that hasn't closed. Occasionally I'll feel a little pain/strain if I'm on my back and sit up. But I feel completely recovered from the c-section itself. I'm not sure when it happened, but I no longer have that hard ridge of scar tissue at my incision! That was something I just discovered today!

-Amber Hunt

In the first three days, I wasn’t able to get out of bed because the wound had to heal. In my experience the scar took a long time to heal. It was difficult for me to carry Oscar around for longer periods for the next two month after having given birth. The scar was sensitive to touch even for several years.

-Juliane Wagner

No one explained to me that I would have nerve damage still 3 years later, or the belly pooch that no matter what I do will never go away.

-Emilie May Bezanson

My scar still swells up and itches after 25 years and the whole scar is numb, I really don’t know why.

-Ruby Schaefer

I do still have a lot of numbness in my lower abdomen and my daughter is three! The doctors said working those muscles would change that, but still no luck.

-Elizabeth Francis

I wish someone would have told me about how the scar feels forever afterward. It’s numb and hard/weird to touch.

I thought my body would bounce right back after birth, it never did. I eventually came to know and love my new body (post Lyla) and I’m working on it now post Nico.

-Raleigh Russel

I wasn't prepared for the odd numb sensation above my scar, it felt like my hand had fallen asleep and I was touching someone else stomach, that's how little feeling there was. The lack of feeling only extended about an inch and a half above the scar but it was so strange. Around four months after my surgery the numbness above my scar finally began to fade away. But I talked to a nurse in the NICU who told me that she was still numb around her scar for one year postpartum and I’ve heard that for some women the feeling never completely comes back (especially after multiple C-sections) so just be aware that results really vary from person to person and try not to worry about it too much.

For the first year I would occasionally get little pinching pains if my pants were too tight or rubbed against the scar the wrong way. Now two years later my scar doesn’t bother me at all, it’s a thin pale line above my pubic hair that’s hardly even noticeable unless you know where to look for it.

-Katrina Nevin

The c-section was harder to recover from than I could have imagined.  Two years later, the area of my incision still felt sore whenever I would sneeze.

-Kathryn Feeks Vieira

"I think the two biggest things that are important about cesarean section surgery and recovery are: firstly, have a support person for your partner in case things take that last minute scary unpredictable turn. You’ll have to stay strong, you have no choice. But your partner will need a little extra support during this time (not surprisingly since it’s major sometimes emergency surgery). Secondly I’d also urge women to do some self help work once things calm down- maybe a few weeks post birth- get some form of healing work for yourself. Whether you realize it or not, surgery is traumatic and the nature of birth suggests to women that although difficult, birth will be beautiful. This isn’t exactly the case once you’ve had a c-section and the resulting disappointment can be very physically and mentally traumatic. In my case, I needed some energy therapy and craniosacral work and so did my baby. But it was also helpful to talk through the situation with friends as well."

-Stephanie Priore

"I had already had one really difficult vaginal birth where I was ripped open. Recovery from that took a long time. I thought the C-section was a lot easier to recover from. It was a nice clean incision in the lower abdomen that healed well. It hurt a little for a while, but at least I didn't feel like my insides were going to drop out on the floor from between my legs. Plus, this time I brought home a baby which was the main thing. To me, it didn't matter how she came into the world, what mattered was that I walked out of the hospital with a live baby in hand.

As for recovery I only discovered what is true for any new mother. Rest, rest, rest, whenever you can. Taking care of a baby is a 24 hour a day job! The C-sections were so much better than the vaginal birth experience I had. I feel like I recovered so much quicker.
My children are 26 and 28 years old now. It was a long time ago. I feel like I am fully recovered. I felt fully recovered pretty early on. The only little reminder I have is when I stand at the kitchen sink to wash dishes. I guess I tend to lean into the counter a little. The edge of the counter top comes right to where my C-section incision is. It's not what I would call a pain or even a discomfort, it's just a strange little awareness that it's the same place where my c-section scar is."

-Cindy Krauss

"Physically, I have to say that recovering from the c-section was a piece of cake, much easier than getting over the exhausting multi-day induction I’d had with my first. (Now pitocin, that's exhausting!)

I was up and walking (a little) the next day. My main complaint was that the hospital pushed opioid pain killers, which I took once but really didn’t need. I was fine with just Ibuprofen and Tylenol, and took those for less than a week. About 5 or 6 days after the birth I was back in Boston, schlepping my breast pump around on buses and generally feeling very tired.

In short, my experience was that having a C-section – without labor first – was no big deal, but having a baby in the NICU sucked."

-Amelia Smith

"Healing of the C-section was doing well. Though my body rejected the dissolve-able stitches and started to push them out. Each day my husband had to cut a little piece off. He wanted to pull them out but I wanted to wait and show the midwife at her next scheduled home visit (in Germany they support you for up to 8 weeks after the birth with home visits). She looked at it and explained she had never seen or even heard of such a thing happening. A couple days later my husband had decided he had had enough of cutting it every day and decided to pull, and yes against my initial wishes, but more-so against my knowledge. It was still more than 3 inches long! But all was well, my body could really heal now. My baby was doing well, I was healing and we were overjoyed and blessed with a beautiful baby girl."

-Karen Hiemer

"I had to take milder pain medications due to my previous reaction, and had to take it a little more often. That helped me recover physically. Also helpful were the restrictions I was placed under, like not lifting anything heavier than 1 of my babies until told that I could. That gave me time to start healing without straining myself too much. Having the babies' grandparents around for the 1st week, and my husband home from work an extra week after that was very helpful too. I didn't really know exactly what to expect as far as recovery goes. I knew what the procedure was, and that cutting through that much "stuff" was a big deal and would require lots of healing. I guess the biggest help to me, and what I would recommend others do too, was following the directions of my doctors. They know what they're talking about, and while not always pleasant, it wasn't a bad experience for me. I feel like I was pretty well-informed as far as what I needed to do afterwards. I would advise new c-section mothers to not only trust their doctors, but also listen to and trust their own bodies.

One of my favorite helpful things were all the pairs of mesh undies I was able to get from the hospital. They were amazing to wear for pretty much the first 6 weeks or so. They were comfortable, and allowed for the room needed to always wear a giant menstrual pad. I was quite surprised at just how long the post-birth bleeding lasted. Having a Boppy nursing pillow was pretty key for feedings since I had two newborns and wasn't technically allowed to lift more than one. Being diligent about taking my pain meds (when I was awake at least) when I needed them was important, but so was giving them some time to wear off as time went on so I could really feel if I needed them as much. Another important thing was keeping on top of caring for my incision. The last thing a new mother needs or wants is any complications from the healing of that."

-Amber Hunt

"I had a c-section 35 years ago but it wasn't too bad. A week and half later I wrapped my belly in the supportive elastic and started jogging. Probably not the best idea for healing scar tissue but I got away with it. I was fitness obsessed in those days. I find Fascia Blaster tools to be really helpful for breaking up fascia adhesions everywhere on the body, especially around scar tissue."

-Adrianne Ryan

"8 years after (my first C-section) birth, I delivered another baby via c-section. Nico also had a congenital defect, but it’s completely unrelated to his sisters. I had a really hard time recovering from the surgery this time. I had a TON of scar tissue from Lyla, so opening that back up again was awful. It took me a full 12 weeks to recover fully. It’s amazing what age can truly do to your body!
Things I wish I had known about birth in general was when you plan, god laughs. I thought my second section would be just like the first. It was not.
I thought my body would bounce right back after birth, it never did. I eventually came to know and love my new body (post Lyla) and I’m working on it now post Nico.
I wish someone had told me that you bleed for months on end afterward (especially after a c section!) and adult diapers are your new best friend.
I wish someone would have told me about how the scar feels forever afterward. It’s numb and hard/weird to touch.
I wish someone would have told me to take every single hospital supply I could get my hands on for recovery."

-Raleigh Russel

"Recovery from C-section (as I have had to do this twice) is all about not overdoing. I did not realize after the first one how important it is to just lay still for at least two weeks after. Scar tissue develops very easily in your uterus. I was not expecting it to be so hard to recover the first time around especially with a new baby. ASK FOR HELP….. there is no shame in asking for help! Sleeping is the great healer. You must sleep after (and with a new baby that is not easy) so again, ASK FOR HELP.

My oldest daughter had to have an emergency C-section with her second baby because he had 3 knots in his cord and it was hard to see her go through that but it didn't seem to phase her, she was a trooper. I was pretty depressed after my own C-Section with her so I was worried about that. Our friend dried her placenta and turned it into powder and made her pills to swallow everyday and that helped sooooo much I highly recommended that."

-Ruby Schaefer

"In the first three days I wasn’t able to get out of bed because the wound had to heal. In my experience the scar took a long time to heal. It was difficult for me to carry Oscar around for longer periods for the next two months after having given birth. The scar was sensitive to touch even for several years.

After having been released from hospital I did not realize how much I had suffered psychologically from the intervention. I didn’t look for any therapy to deal with the traumatic experience straight away. Today (Oscar is 9 years old), I practice a body mind approach which helps me create healing through experience on cellular level. Even when I wrote this text, I realized that I still hadn’t found peace inside me. I feel enormous gratitude to be able to express myself here to heal the inner wound."

-Juliane Wagner

"Movement is key within the first day, to help your recovery and to make sure the blood is flowing in your legs. It was weird to stand and notice that I was no longer pregnant. You will still feel small contraction type feelings in your belly for a little while. That was weird to me. Noticing that just 24 hours earlier, Aurora was in my belly and kicking away and now she was laying in her Dad's arms as I relearned how to stand.

After practicing walking and moving and finally going into the bathroom alone, I definitely recommend taking all of the assistance that you can get at first. For me, I am not someone who likes assistance and find it difficult to ask for help. After the c-section, it was easy to ask for. I physically could not do much.

The recovery process was challenging, only because I couldn't do a lot on my own for a while. I was lucky to have my husband home with me for two weeks. Those two weeks allowed me to rest and have assistance doing things throughout the day."

-Emily LaPierre

"It’s been a few days now and our little family of four is settling in nicely at home. Naturally, I had a hard time staying put once home and was up and about too much. Our pediatrician gave me a gentle reminder that I just had major abdominal surgery and to take time to rest. Liam and I are excited to enjoy a day in bed doing just that, resting."

Rhiana Westlund

"The c-section was harder to recover from than I could have imagined. I remember feeling like a turtle, stuck on my back, with my crying son on my chest, completely unable to engage my stomach muscles to turn or sit up. I had to throw something at my sleeping husband for him to come rescue me in the hospital bed. After going home, it was hard to stay off the stairs, no driving, no carrying anything heavier than the baby... I felt helpless, at the same time, my body was exhausted and I felt maxed out. Two years later, the area of my incision still felt sore whenever I would sneeze."

-Kathryn Feeks Vieira

"I had planned to be recovering from a natural birth at home in my own bed with my baby by my side. Instead I was recovering from major abdominal surgery in a hospital bed that was eleven floors above my baby’s room in the NICU. I never anticipated the kind of round the clock pain and exhaustion of a C-section. The first night after surgery I don’t think I slept at all. There were shooting pains in my neck and shoulder from being strapped down while under anesthesia. I was terribly thirsty but my neck was so seized up with pain that it hurt just to tilt my head back or swallow. I couldn’t laugh or cough without feeling like I was being violently sliced in half at the incision.

The process of getting out of bed on the first day was incredibly painful. I don’t know how I would have gotten myself in and out of bed without being able to slowly raise my torso to a sitting position first. I found it hard to accept my new limitations but the pain was a constant reminder that I was not myself. There was a strange empty flapping feeling to my belly, like a bowl full of jelly being tossed around with every movement. I was surprised by how gross my post-birth body felt. I moved like a very old woman, hunched, slow, shuffling, trying to conserve energy and limit any jolts or jostles. I would shuffle to the bathroom and sit over the commode waiting to poop, and fearing to poop. The nurses wanted to see whatever came out of me for the first 48 hours so I wasn’t permitted to flush. It was mortifying and made me feel like a very unwell person, like a patient suffering from some illness instead of a new mother celebrating her baby.

Five days post surgery I was discharged from the hospital and we went to stay at my in-law’s home half an hour away. I was now able to walk slowly but fairly easily and squat to pick things up off the ground. Bending over at the waist was completely out of the question for more than a month. Getting in and out of bed was still a challenge but it was getting easier every time. I was starting to be able to find comfortable positions to sleep in and it was getting easier to laugh and sneeze without pain. Unfortunately our bedroom at my in-laws was on the third floor and required going up and down 36 steps twice a day every day. Steps were really hard, I felt out of breath and in pain every time I went up or down. For the first week my husband pushed me everywhere in a wheelchair and wouldn’t let me walk more than was absolutely necessary. Despite using the wheelchair I definitely overdid it physically in the first few weeks after my surgery. The bleeding was much heavier and lasted a lot longer than it might have if I had been discharged back to my home and had my baby beside me in bed instead of climbing steps, riding elevators and commuting by car too and from her hospital room for six weeks. Luckily my body managed to recover despite my over-exertions.

The incision itself healed just fine although for the first 4 months it was completely numb to the touch the area above the scar but gradually that numbness faded away and normal sensation returned. For the first year I would occasionally get little pinching pains if my pants were too tight or rubbed against the scar the wrong way. I rubbed coconut and olive oil into the scar as often as I remembered to and I think that really helped to soften and sooth the scar tissue. Now two years later my scar doesn’t bother me at all, it’s a thin pale line above my pubic hair that’s hardly even noticeable unless you know where to look for it."

-Katrina Nevin

Swollen eyes, Migraine, Nerve damage

After Surgery it was very difficult because I had taken way too many medicines: Pain relief, hormones and anesthesia. So was difficult to recover from those medicines. I peed through a catheter for two days and that was very scary. About a week after the surgery I went to ER with a very intense migraine and was treated with morphine. After surgery I had difficulty to move one of the legs for about a month, the nerve seemed to be damaged and I was afraid that would be permanent but I ended up recovering.

It was also difficult to take care of the baby by myself under this circumstances but we made it through. Yes everything was much harder than I expected.

-Jaqueline Lèbre Bacellar

Muscle pain after emergency anesthesia

Another thing I wish I had known to expect was the seizing, shooting pain in my neck and shoulders in the 48 hours following emergency surgery. It was worse by far than the pain of my incision, (which was excruciating) and I couldn’t move or stretch my muscles out. All I could do was sit propped up uncomfortably in bed feeling like I'd been slung around like a whiplash victim.

Apparently for safety they have to strap your arms out to the sides like Jesus on the cross when you go under general anesthesia. Being restrained in this unnatural pose for more than an hour frequently results in excruciating neck and shoulder pain for all types of emergency surgery patients. I'm not sure what they could do differently to prevent this from happening, perhaps just handle their patient more gently, but I wish I had known at the time why I was in such pain.

-Katrina Nevin

Nausea reaction to Epidural

After the surgery, and when the epidural's two parts were wearing off, I discovered that the medication made me extremely nauseated. I had to lie in the bed with my eyes closed for long periods of time or I felt horrible. Once the medication wore off I felt better in that way, but then could feel the pain from the surgery. I had to take milder pain medications due to my previous reaction, and had to take it a little more often. That helped me recover physically.

-Amber Hunt

Spinal Headache reaction to Epidural

They had a hard time placing the epidural but they got it eventually and she was in my arms before I knew it. The happiness overpowered everything that happened before. But then the spinal headache came...it was awful. I couldn't stand without vomiting. I had to lay flat for the first few weeks of my newborns life. All that helped me was lying flat and when I needed to get up (bathroom, shower etc) I had to make a plan so that I was quick and would hopefully not get sick from the pain. It was a lot harder than I expected. (Failed blood patch and I refused to try for a second one.)

-Elizabeth Francis

Betadine Allergy Rash (and the healing properties of Breast Milk!)

Surgeons cover the area they are going to cut with a layer of Betadine before they begin surgery. This is to prevent infection and kill bacteria. So after I was wheeled into the OR they painted my belly with Betadine Surgical Scrub and then proceeded with their surgery. After they had stitched everything back up they left the Betadine on my skin. This is common practice, but it had huge ramifications for me in the days that followed.

Two days after my surgery I was able to stand up and move around a bit so I took a hot shower for the first time and I carefully washed off all the yellow/brown staining from the Betadine. Three hours later I noticed a red rash starting to appear all over my abdomen, from the incision upward to above my belly button and around the sides of my waist. A couple hours after that I noticed that the rash was itchy. Shortly thereafter I was in a world of pain. I’ve had poison ivy or poison oak rashes and this was similar but ten times worse because of the location. I mentioned it to several of the nurses caring for my baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and after showing the rash to them somebody said “oh yeah that’s a Betadine allergy”.

I was in a huge amount of pain, the incision from my surgery felt like it was being re-opened and my skin was extremely tender and horrifically itchy at the same time. Touching it hurt. My clothes brushing against me as I moved hurt. Itching it hurt but also perversely made it feel better.

Finally a nurse said “oh have you tried breast milk? BREAST MILK FIXES EVERYTHING.” Strange as it sounded I was desperate so I took some of the milk I'd just pumped and dabbed it all over my skin. Immediately I felt relief! That whole night and day I applied my milk to the rash multiple times and the change was amazing. The itching disappeared literally overnight.

To be on the safe side you need to use cool water and rinse that yellow stain off your skin as quickly as possible to avoid having a reaction. I had it on me for around 30 hours and it was really, really bad. Not everybody will have a reaction and some women I talked to seemed to have less extreme reactions than me, maybe they showered sooner than I did or maybe I'm just extra sensitive.

-Katrina Nevin

Removing the catheter and getting out of bed

The very next day after the birth, the nurse came into my room very early, I think about 7am, which had felt like I had only been asleep for 15 minutes and she pulled open the curtains. She asked if I had stood already. I said of course not, I had just had surgery the day before. She tried to make me stand, but I played the language card. I could get away with this until my husband arrived a little while later. The nurse returned when he was there. I now didn't have a choice, I had to get up. I advised my husband I still had the catheter in. That didn't phase this nurse at all. She marched right over, took the covers off me and pulled the catheter out so quickly I didn't have a chance to say “boo”. I was then told to stand. Immediately I felt blood pouring out of me. I sat down, they got me some special underpants that are basically diapers and I was cleaned up. I had to walk that day, and right then. This nurse was from this moment on known as nurse Ratchet to me. First she wakes me up, then she rips out the catheter and then makes we walk to the bathroom. Clearly she had no sympathy whatsoever, or so I thought. However once it was done and over with she left me alone.

-Karen Hiemer

I would like to advise to another mom to get a doula for her birth and I would advise them to make sure you allow the right people into your delivery room. Make sure you have somebody you trust to make life decisions for you in case you lost consciousness. Trusting or accepting the wrong person into the room can be seriously prejudicial.

-Jaqueline Lèbre Bacellar

I would advise mothers to hire a Doula for both birth and recovery. Make sure that you are seen by a lactation consultant immediately following the birth. The trauma of an unexpected surgery can cause many women to have difficulty producing enough breastmilk. Even under the best of circumstances breastfeeding doesn’t always work right away, sometimes there are issues involving the baby like tongue or lip ties that cause a poor latch. Sometimes there are issues with the positioning of the baby or the milk supply of the mother. If any of these issues goes uncorrected for more than a day it can cause the mothers nipples to get extremely sore and chafed which can in turn lead to the maternity nurses offering the mother a nipple shield. Nipple shields can offer short term relief from pain but they frequently cause a whole host of increasing difficulty and problems with the baby’s latch and the mothers supply and they don’t resolve the underlying cause. A trained lactation consultant or International Board Certified Lactation consultant (IBCLC) or even a volunteer breastfeeding councilor can really help you get off to the best possible start in your breastfeeding relationship.

-Katrina Nevin

The best advice I can give to anyone who has to have a c-section, whether it be emergency or planned, would be to make sure that you walk afterwards as much as you can. If you're stuck in the hospital for a few days walk around the maternity wing, walk back and forth from the nursery to your room, take little stretch walks around the hospital. Ask the nurses to watch your baby for you for 15-20 minutes so that you can do that and take all of the help that you can. I'll also add that no one explained to me that I would have nerve damage still 3 years later, or the belly pooch that no matter what I do will never go away. But if I had to go through it all gain I think I would pick a planned c-section, which I will do for my next child because I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing when things are going to happen. Since i've done it once I'm more prepared for it then I was before because when I did my birth plan I didn't plan for any kind of surgery at all.

-Emilie May Bezanson

I think that more information about how this affects the body is important! It's such a big surgery and the next few days are really painful and it's hard to manage both recovery and baby. I was lucky that I had ten weeks of summer off before I had to go back to school. I got the basic info about rest, not picking up stuff, and keeping the wound covered and clean. I had a terrible reaction to the bandage and that left more of a scar than the surgery! Luckily, both the lactation consultants and midwives were super supportive and that helped a lot.

-Cathy Favreau

Mesh Undies, Postpartum Belly and Steri Strips

One of my favorite helpful things were all the pairs of mesh undies I was able to get from the hospital. They were amazing to wear for pretty much the first 6 weeks or so. They were comfortable, and allowed for the room needed to always wear a giant menstrual pad. I was quite surprised at just how long the post-birth bleeding lasted. Having a Boppy nursing pillow was pretty key for feedings since I had 2 newborns and wasn't technically allowed to lift more than 1. Being diligent about taking my pain meds (when I was awake at least) when I needed them was important, but so was giving them some time to wear off as time went on so I could really feel if I needed them as much. Another important thing was keeping on top of caring for my incision.   The last thing a new mother needs or wants is any complications from the healing of that.

-Amber Hunt

The bleeding discharge was much heavier and lasted a lot longer than it might have if I had been able to go back to my home and had my baby beside me in bed instead of climbing steps, riding elevators and commuting by car too and from her hospital room every day for six weeks. My advice is to be as gentle with yourself as you possibly can be and take all the help you can get!

-Katrina Nevin

I strongly believe that if I had better advocated for myself my birth story would be very different. I don't regret the experience because in the end I got the best gift ever, but I do think when we decide to try for baby number two I will make sure to do a better job of advocating for both myself and baby.

-Elizabeth Francis

Movement is key within the first day, to help your recovery and to make sure the blood is flowing in your legs.

(The first time I stood up) it was weird to stand and notice that I was no longer pregnant. You will still feel small contraction type feelings in your belly for a little while. That was weird to me. Noticing that just 24 hours earlier, Aurora was in my belly and kicking away and now she was laying in her Dad's arms as I relearned how to stand.

After practicing walking and moving and finally going into the bathroom alone, I definitely recommend taking all of the assistance that you can get at first. For me, I am not someone who likes assistance and find it difficult to ask for help. After the c-section, it was easy to ask for. I physically could not do much.

-Emily LaPierre

I had no guilt regarding having a C-section. I didn't and don't believe the shit that some people try to make a mother believe about C-sections. It does not matter if you have a vaginal birth, a C-section or adopt. You are just as much of a mom in each case!

-Alison Taylor Enos

Women's Words of Wisdom

Nobody told me how long I would have to wait alone in recovery.

Nobody told me that the effect from the drugs would be that my mouth felt so dry it felt like I drank a glass of cinnamon and sand at the same time.

Nobody told me that after my boyfriend at the time was asked to leave the recovery room to go sign paperwork that they wouldn't let him back in.

Nobody told me that it was standard procedure to basically push/punch my stomach to stimulate my uterus to make sure everything was coming out the way it was supposed to come out.

Nobody told me that I would almost pass out in the shower after the first time I got to have a shower.

Nobody told me how excruciatingly painful and scary it would be to try to have a bowel movement 3 days later after eating only hospital food.

Oh and I forgot to mention the allergic reaction I had to the tape they used when they did my epidural, which left me drugged and super itchy to the point where I begged the nurse to scratch my back!

-Emilie May Bezanson

Things I wish I had known about birth in general is when you plan, god laughs. I thought my second section would be just like the first. It was not.
I thought my body would bounce right back after birth, it never did. I eventually came to know and love my new body (post Lyla) and I’m working on it now post Nico.
I wish someone had told me that you bleed for months on end afterward (especially after a c section!) and adult diapers are your new best friend.
I wish someone would have told me about how the scar feels forever afterward. It’s numb and hard/weird to touch.
I wish someone would have told me to take every single hospital supply I could get my hands on for recovery.
I wish someone would have told me the emotional and psychological strain that a c section puts on you. It’s harder, or sometimes impossible, to make breast milk and that’s okay.

-Raleigh Russel

Three days after my baby was born I developed a nasty rash reaction to the Betadine scrub they had used during surgery. Surgeons cover the area they are going to cut with a layer of Betadine before they begin surgery in order to prevent infection and kill bacteria. After they had stitched everything back up they left the Betadine on my skin. This is common practice, but it had huge ramifications for me in the days that followed.Two days after my surgery I was able to stand up and move around a bit so I took a hot shower for the first time and I carefully washed off all the yellow/brown staining from the Betadine. Three hours later I noticed a red rash starting to appear all over my abdomen, from the incision upward to above my belly button and around the sides of my waist. A couple hours after that I noticed that the rash was itchy. Shortly thereafter I was in a world of pain. I've had really bad poison ivy and poison oak rashes. This was like that but ten times worse because of the location surrounding a tender healing incision. None of the doctors or nurses caring for me recognized my symptoms or had ever encountered this problem.

I mentioned it to several of the nurses caring for my baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and after showing the rash to them somebody said “oh yeah that’s a Betadine allergy”. Several of them had experienced the same thing after their own babies were born. It turns out that a substantial portion of the population gets a contact dermatitis allergy from Betadine, but nobody mentioned this possibility to me so when it appeared I had no idea what it was or how to treat it.

I was in a huge amount of pain, the incision from my surgery felt like it was being re-opened and my skin was extremely tender and horrifically itchy at the same time. Touching it hurt. My clothes brushing lightly against my skin as I moved hurt. Itching it hurt but also perversely made it feel better. I set about treating it as if it was poison Ivy, with a combination of Cortizone cream, Aloe and cold compresses. None of it helped. The Cortizone cream actually seemed to inflame it more as though the steroid was irritating the rash. After a day of shellacking my skin with Aloe gel I took a cool shower. As I painfully peeled off the layers of sticky gel and cream I realized that all I had been doing was capping the rash with an impermeable barrier that didn't allow my skin to breath. I researched online and began applying a diluted solution of apple cider vinegar to my skin. This left me feeling slightly better but made me smell like a pickle.

Luckily the next morning I was back in my babies room in the NICU and a new nurse said “oh have you tried breast milk? Breast milk fixes everything.” Strange as it sounded I was desperate so I took some of the milk I'd just pumped and dabbed it all over my skin and I immediately felt relief! That whole night and day I applied my milk to the rash multiple times and the transformation was incredible. From angry red welts that were raised up and looked almost neon red, the rash faded to a muted pink glow that resembled a slight sunburn. The itching disappeared literally overnight.

I wish I could shout this piece of hard learned knowledge into the home of every single human being on this planet, but especially pregnant women because it would have saved me so much discomfort and distress if someone had just given me this information immediately after my C-section. To be on the safe side you need to use cool water and rinse that yellow stain off your skin as quickly as possible to avoid having a reaction. I had it on me for around 30 hours and it was really, really bad. Not everybody will have a reaction and some women I talked to seemed to have less extreme reactions than me, maybe they showered sooner than I did or maybe I'm just extra sensitive.

-Katrina Nevin

I would probably make the same decision and have VBACs and I wouldn’t trade the Virginal births for anything. However, I wish I was better informed and did my research before doing it. I didn’t even know a uterine rupture was a risk at the time. I would have not used Pitocin or any other medicine that put stress on my uterus. There are definitely other contributing factors, like which way the scar runs on the inside not the outside. They give you a bikini cut on the outside but may have done a vertical cut inside. Those are things that you should find out. A vertical cut in your uterus makes the risk much higher. Thinking back I should have gotten my medical records and read through them after my C-section. I wish someone had given me this info prior to the decisions I made. I may still have made the same decision to have VBAC's but at least I would have made a more informed decision.

-Ruby Schaefer

I wish I had known to ask to stay home until I progressed naturally a little more.

I wish I had said no to Pitocin.

I wish I had known that even if I was leaking there was still plenty (of fluid) in there for baby.

I wish I had been educated on spinal headaches, blood patches etc.

I wish I had advocated for myself and my daughter more.

-Elizabeth Francis

If you want an epidural, ask for it as soon as you know you want to have one and start to get uncomfortable, you will not be reminded and it takes a while.

Apparently, you are not able to have an epidural when you are in active labor.

As the epidural kicked in, I started to not be able to feel my legs. I couldn't tell if I was really pushing my hardest or not.

-Emily LaPierre

When I woke up from the surgery I remember having an immediate sensation of relief, I felt so relaxed and rested. Then a voice said “Can you wiggle the fingers of your left hand for me? How about your right?” and I suddenly became horribly aware that not only could I not wiggle my fingers I also couldn’t breath! I tried to take a breath and nothing happened, I tried to speak or call out to say “I can’t breath!” and nothing happened. I was drowning in air and I couldn’t tell anyone! Then all at once (or so it seemed to me) I miraculously could breath again and I was being wheeled out of the OR and back up to maternity.

I wish someone had explained to me in that moment what was happening. I had been intubated during the C-section and I didn't know it. That means that there was breathing tube that went down my throat and into my lungs. When they reduced the anesthesia to wake me up they left the breathing tube in place until they knew that I had awoken sufficiently to be able to breath on my own. Then they removed the tube in my throat. So when I awoke there was a machine breathing for me and I couldn't physically take my own breaths until they removed that tube. This was a horribly frightening experience and I wish someone had told me what was going on in the moment so I didn't think I was suffocating.

-Katrina Nevin

Steri strips are the glue tape that goes on over your C-section incision to keep the stitches in place and hold everything together while the scar heals. Everyone said to me that the strips would fall off on their own after about 10 days. Mine didn't. My belly was still so big that I couldn't see my incision unless I stood in front of a full length mirror and leaned back. I wasn't sure where the ends of the actual cut were since the strips go beyond the edges of the incision and it was very creepy for me to touch the area and feel only numbness above the scar and only hard tacky glue strips on top of the scar. I was worried the stitches weren't healed so I waited two weeks and then a bit longer and still the steri strips were perfectly glued in place. Finally I got into a tub and soaked until they just slipped off easily.

-Katrina Nevin

A Doula is a person (usually a woman) who is hired to act as an emotional and logistical support for the mother and her partner before, during and after the birth. During the final weeks of pregnancy the Doula may come to the mother-to-be’s home and help work through any fears or worries she may have. The Doula is not trained to deliver a baby but she is trained in caring for women during all the phases of labor and delivery. She has the mother’s best interests in mind. The Doula becomes familiar with the hopes, dreams and wishes of her client and once labor begins she can act as an advocate for the mother’s birth plan and wishes. In a hospital setting the Doula remains a constant presence as nurses and doctors rotate on and off shift during the course of labor. Labor is a time of powerful physical and emotional forces and the Doula helps the mother and baby to navigate and stay afloat in the turbulence. Physical support is also needed and the Doula knows the best positioning, massage and breathing techniques to support the laboring mother. By the time a baby is born and all the intimate and intense challenges of labor have been navigated the mother may feel a very close bond with her Doula.

Many C-section stories involve a cascading domino effect of medical interventions: Using Pitocin to induce labor can lead to extra strong and painful contractions which in turn can lead to the mother wanting an Epidural which can lead to the mother not being able to feel her legs or not being able to know if she’s truly pushing as hard as she can, which can lead to the pushing phase going on for too long resulting in the mother being utterly exhausted. A C-section is frequently the end result of this domino effect. Hospital protocol can be confusing and the Doula can translate what doctors are saying and help the mother to understand the choices that she has and the implications of those choices. In the event of an Emergency C-section the Doula will be there to translate medical terminology and explain things clearly for the mother and father. Events move quickly in an Emergency scenario and the Doula helps to bridge the gap between the mother’s dream birth and the unexpected new reality.

Even if the Cesarean is planned or expected a Doula can still be very helpful to a mother. Sometimes a mother who has had one emergency C-section will be unable to or unwilling to try for a VBAC and so she will have no other option but to deliver her subsequent babies by Cesarean as well. A Doula can be a huge support to a mother preparing for repeat surgery. A Cesarean birth is just as unique and unexpected as a vaginal birth, each birth will be different from the last just as each baby is different from it’s siblings. Undergoing surgery is emotionally and physically draining and a new mother needs extra support in those first weeks when she can’t be on her feet much. The Doula can begin her work before the baby is born and then continue afterwards, offering post-natal massage and support for the mother as well as helping the new family with the logistics of transitioning back home.

Some Doula’s are hired specifically to help after the birth, similar to a mommy’s helper, to make the first few days or weeks at home easier. After Surgery a mother is not permitted to exert herself or lift heavy things for the first couple weeks and the Doula can do household chores, cook a meal or simply hold the baby while the mother takes a much needed nap or hot shower. A Doula is the modern incarnation of the female support circle that new mothers used to have in more traditional communities.

Women's Words of Wisdom

“I would like to advise to another mom to get a doula for her birth and I would advise them to make sure you allow the right people into your delivery room. Make sure you have somebody you trust to make life decisions for you in case you lost consciousness. Trusting or accepting the wrong person into the room can be seriously prejudicial.”

-Jaqueline Lèbre Bacellar

“I only labored at home for a scant two hours before my home-birth experience turned into a hospital emergency experience but during those two hours my Doula held a bowl for me while I puked, washed my face with a warm washcloth, brought me water to drink and made me smile through contractions. When we had to rush to the hospital my Doula helped me to find clothes and get dressed in a hurry.

After I woke up from my surgery I was loopy from drugs and in a great deal of pain as well as feeling extremely worried about whether my baby would survive. During the long hours of that first night in the hospital my Doula stayed with me and slept on the couch in the room. My husband and our baby had flown to Boston in a helicopter so I would otherwise have been alone that night, crying and worrying and feeling all the pain. Despite it being the worst night of my life my Doula helped me to laugh which was the best possible medicine for me after the traumatic and unexpected labor and delivery I had just experienced. I don’t remember what we found so funny, possibly it was just the effect of the anesthesia drugs and pain medications but the laughter was extremely soothing for me. I’m so grateful that I had my Doula to be a friend to me during that long terrible night.

A Doula needs to be fully prepared to help you through whatever outcome your birth brings so I would strongly advise that you ask your Doula to do some advance research for you so she knows something about the medical curve balls that birth can throw at a mother: epidural headaches, extra painful contractions from Pitocin, C-section recovery etc. I had an excellent home-birth team with a Midwife, a Midwifes assistant and a Doula. They were all highly skilled and trained, had experienced numerous births and they each had given birth to children of their own but none of them had experienced a C-section or been closely involved in a C-section birth. They offered all the support that they could give me about normal post-birth care, rest, diet, bleeding and breastfeeding. But they couldn’t offer me the kind of specific advise and knowledge that I needed after my surgery.

-Katrina Nevin

“I strongly believe that if I had better advocated for myself my birth story would be very different. I don't regret the experience because in the end I got the best gift ever, (my baby) but I do think when we decide to try for baby number two I will make sure to do a better job of advocating for both myself and baby.”

-Elizabeth Francis

Resources:

Doula’s of North America (DONA)This organization is dedicated to training and certifying Doula’s as well as connecting pregnant women to trained Doula’s. Find a Doula near you!

https://www.dona.org/what-is-a-doula/find-a-doula/

Katrina Nevin

Labor

I had planned very carefully and excitedly for a home birth. After swimming in the ocean before lunch I began to feel light contractions. John came home from work on the ferry and rode home fast on his bicycle and by 3:30 things had really accelerated. Contractions were coming every 2 minutes and my beautiful birth team was by my side.

Leia listened to the baby’s heartbeat, Meg inflated the tub, Fallon helped me sip water and John helped me to breath. Outdoors the woodpeckers fed their babies and the tall green grass swayed in the breeze. I was full of confidence and gratitude. The baby’s heartbeat sounded like the same happy techno beat I’d heard throughout pregnancy, like a distant dance party heard across some hills, boom boom boom boom. Time passed beautifully and I took a rest and breathed more deeply knowing that everything was good.

Around 6:15 Leia listened to the heartbeat yet again and it was instantly clear that something was very, very wrong. The disco party sounded like it was coming from underwater and was so, so slooow. Fa-booom fa-boom fa-boooom. Leia called for oxygen, Meg got the tank, John brought the car onto the lawn, Fallon found me a skirt. Then we were in the car, me breathing oxygen and panting in the back seat while Leia held the Doppler and the heartbeat was so slow and Meg called the emergency room and John forced himself to drive responsibly. Fa-boom fa-boom fa-boom. Into the hospital barefoot and laboring. Then everything is a blur of pain and confusion and hearing the heartbeat and asking in my head over and over why? Why? Why? No no no this wasn’t the plan.

The baby's heart rate was still extremely slow we got to the MV hospital but the doctor spent an hour trying to continue a monitored labor because the heart rate kept periodically going back up. I don’t really remember that hour very well because the contractions were so intense and constant that everything was a blur. Finally the doctor attempted to put a fetal monitor directly on the baby's head through my partially dilated cervix. When she did that she broke the amniotic sack and the liquid that trickled out was a dark, dark brown. Bad. Very, very bad. Brown amniotic fluid means that blood and poop (meconium) were in the uterus and the baby was swallowing that and getting it into her lungs. We found out later that my placenta had separated from the uterine wall some time during early labor (this is called a placental abruption) so in addition to my baby not getting enough oxygen from the damaged placenta my uterus was also filling up with blood which the baby was swallowing. That's when they decided to do an emergency C-section and rushed me into surgery.

Surgery: What an emergency C-section is really like

All this time I had been having fast, hard contractions but when they moved to the operating room they gave me a drug to stop the contractions so that they could perform the surgery on muscles that weren’t constantly squeezing. The impact of this drug on me was that in addition to painful rip roaring contractions I was suddenly shaking uncontrollably as the drug tried to stop my body from being in labor. Awesome. I was wheeled into the OR and the anesthesiologist looked down at me over his mask and said “I’m doctor Patel, I’ll take care of you.” And that’s all I remember of that.

When I woke up from the surgery I remember having an immediate sensation of relief, I felt so relaxed and rested. Then a voice said “Can you wiggle the fingers of your left hand for me? How about your right?” and I suddenly became horribly aware that not only could I not wiggle my fingers I also couldn’t breath! I tried to take a breath and nothing happened, I tried to speak or call out to say “I can’t breath!” and nothing happened. I was drowning in air and I couldn’t tell anyone! Then all at once (or so it seemed to me) I miraculously could breath again and I was being wheeled out of the OR and back up to maternity.

I wish someone had explained to me in that moment what was happening. It was a very simple thing but I didn’t get an explanation until I asked a nurse about it later that night. I wish I'd known I was on a breathing tube! Just in case you ever find yourself needing emergency anesthesia for any kind of surgery keep this story in mind. I had been intubated during the C-section and I didn't know it. That means that there was breathing tube that went down my throat and into my lungs. When they reduced the anesthesia to wake me up they left the breathing tube in place until they knew that I had awoken sufficiently to be able to breath on my own. Then they removed the tube in my throat. So when I awoke there was a machine breathing for me and I couldn't physically take my own breaths until they removed that tube. This was a horribly frightening experience and I wish someone had told me what was going on in the moment so I didn't think I was suffocating.

Another thing I wish I had known to expect was the seizing, shooting pain in my neck and shoulders in the 48 hours following emergency surgery. It was worse by far than the pain of my incision, (which was excruciating) and I couldn’t move or stretch my muscles out, all I could do was sit propped up uncomfortably in bed feeling like I'd been slung around like a whiplash victim. Apparently for safety they have to strap your arms out to the sides like Jesus on the cross when you go under general anesthesia. Being restrained in this unnatural pose for over an hour frequently results in excruciating neck and shoulder pain for all types of emergency surgery patients. I'm not sure what they could do differently to prevent this from happening, perhaps just handle their patient more gently, but I wish I had known at the time why I was in such pain.

My baby was born blue and unresponsive. She was not breathing and she had inhaled/swallowed so much blood and meconium that her lungs were full of fluid. After being revived she was airlifted off the Island that night up to Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) in Boston where she would spend the next 5 weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) recovering from substantial and extensive damage to her lungs, kidneys and heart from the oxygen deprivation and meconium aspiration. By some miracle she had no damage to her brain and she recovered fully and has no evidence of her trauma except a small scar on her neck from where they put her on a lifesaving blood oxygenating machine (called ECMO) for three days while her lung tissue recovered.

Recovery in the first 48 hours

I had planned to be recovering from a natural birth at home in my own bed with my baby by my side. Instead I was recovering from major abdominal surgery in a hospital bed that was eleven floors above my baby’s room in the NICU. I never anticipated the kind of round the clock pain and exhaustion of a C-section. The mechanical hospital bed was a huge help, I don’t know how I would have gotten myself in and out of bed without being able to slowly raise my torso to a sitting position first. The first night after surgery I don’t think I slept at all. There were shooting pains in my neck and shoulder from being strapped down while under anesthesia. I was terribly thirsty but my neck was so seized up with pain that it hurt just to tilt my head back or swallow. I couldn’t laugh or cough without feeling like I was being violently sliced in half at the incision. They put compression booties on my feet overnight to keep the blood flowing and while I was soothed by the rhythmic pressure on my feet, the sighing snoring sound of the machine compressing and releasing the cuffs was hard to sleep through.

The next morning the nurses removed my catheter which didn’t hurt but was a strange sensation like needing to pee really hard for a second. Then they wanted me to try getting out of bed and sitting in a chair. The process of levering myself slowly onto my side and then lowering my legs off the bed and getting into a sitting position was monumentally difficult. Once I made it to the chair I just stayed there until it was time to get onto the gurney to be taken down to the ambulance to be transported up to Boston to join my baby.

The Ambulance ride was hell. I had no idea that our state roads were so bumpy. I spent the 45 minute ferry boat ride peacefully sleeping and then I spent the hour and a half long drive lying flat on my back on the stretcher watching the sky and trees flash by outside and trying not to tense my stomach muscles. Every single tiny bump felt like an assault, like being thrown violently against a knife. Half way through the journey I needed to pee which meant stopping the ambulance and getting off the stretcher to haphazardly squat over a commode. Pee went everywhere as I was completely focused on trying to stay upright and not use my abdominal muscles.

That night I got a nurse to wheel me down stairs eleven floors to see my baby for the first time in almost 24 hours. Standing by her bed was the first time that I didn’t notice any of my own pains. For the first week my husband pushed me everywhere in a wheelchair and wouldn’t let me walk more than was absolutely necessary. I found it hard to accept my new limitations but the pain was a constant reminder that I was not myself. There was a strange empty flapping feeling to my belly, like a bowl full of jelly being tossed around with every movement. I was surprised by how gross my post-birth body felt. I moved like a very old woman, hunched, slow, shuffling, trying to conserve energy and limit any jolts or jostles. I would shuffle to the bathroom and sit over the commode waiting to poop, and fearing to poop. The nurses wanted to see whatever came out of me for the first 48 hours so I wasn’t permitted to flush. It was mortifying and made me feel like a very unwell person, like a patient suffering from some illness instead of a new mother.

Betadine Allergy Rash

On the third day, on top of all these normal surgery pains, I developed a nasty rash reaction to the Betadine scrub they had used during surgery. Surgeons cover the area they are going to cut with a layer of Betadine before they begin surgery in order to prevent infection and kill bacteria. After they had stitched everything back up they left the Betadine on my skin. This is common practice, but it had huge ramifications for me in the days that followed.Two days after my surgery I was able to stand up and move around a bit so I took a hot shower for the first time and I carefully washed off all the yellow/brown staining from the Betadine. Three hours later I noticed a red rash starting to appear all over my abdomen, from the incision upward to above my belly button and around the sides of my waist. A couple hours after that I noticed that the rash was itchy. Shortly thereafter I was in a world of pain. I've had really bad poison ivy and poison oak rashes. This was like that but ten times worse because of the location surrounding a tender healing incision. None of the doctors or nurses caring for me recognized my symptoms or had ever encountered this problem.

I mentioned it to several of the nurses caring for my baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and after showing the rash to them somebody said “oh yeah that’s a Betadine allergy”. Several of them had experienced the same thing after their own babies were born. It turns out that a substantial portion of the population gets a contact dermatitis allergy from Betadine, but nobody mentioned this possibility to me so when it appeared I had no idea what it was or how to treat it.

I was in a huge amount of pain, the incision from my surgery felt like it was being re-opened and my skin was extremely tender and horrifically itchy at the same time. Touching it hurt. My clothes brushing lightly against my skin as I moved hurt. Itching it hurt but also perversely made it feel better. I set about treating it as I would treat poison Ivy, with a combination of Cortizone cream, Aloe and cold compresses. None of it helped. The Cortizone cream actually seemed to inflame it more as though the steroid was irritating the rash. After a day of shellacking my skin with Aloe gel I took a cool shower. As I painfully peeled off the layers of sticky gel and cream I realized that all I had been doing was capping the rash with an impermeable barrier that didn't allow my skin to breath. I researched online and began applying a diluted solution of apple cider vinegar to my skin. This left me feeling slightly better but made me smell like a pickle.

Luckily the next morning I was back in my babies room in the NICU and a new nurse said “oh have you tried breast milk? Breast milk fixes everything.” Strange as it sounded I was desperate so I took some of the milk I'd just pumped and dabbed it all over my skin and I immediately felt relief! That whole night and day I applied my milk to the rash multiple times and the transformation was incredible. From angry red welts that were raised up and looked almost neon red, the rash faded to a muted pink glow that resembled a slight sunburn. The itching disappeared literally overnight.

I wish I could shout this piece of hard learned knowledge into the home of every single human being on this planet, but especially pregnant women because it would have saved me so much discomfort and distress if someone had just given me this information immediately after my C-section. To be on the safe side you need to use cool water and rinse that yellow stain off your skin as quickly as possible to avoid having a reaction. I had it on me for around 30 hours and it was really, really bad. Not everybody will have a reaction and some women I talked to seemed to have less extreme reactions than me, maybe they showered sooner than I did or maybe I'm just extra sensitive.

Recovery: The First Weeks After Surgery

Five days post surgery I was discharged from the hospital and we went to stay at my in-law’s house half an hour away. I was now able to walk slowly but fairly easily and squat to pick things up off the ground. Bending over at the waist was completely out of the question for several weeks. Getting in and out of bed was still a challenge but it was getting easier every time. I was starting to be able to find comfortable positions to sleep in. Unfortunately our bedroom at my in-laws was on the third floor and required going up and down 36 steps to get to and from bed every day. Steps were really hard, I felt out of breath and in pain every time I went up or down. Despite my husbands careful attention to using the wheelchair I definitely overdid it physically in the first few weeks after my surgery. The bleeding discharge was much heavier and lasted a lot longer than it might have if I had been able to go back to my home and had my baby beside me in bed instead of climbing steps, riding elevators and commuting by car too and from her hospital room every day for six weeks. My advice is to be as gentle with yourself as you possibly can be and take all the help you can get!

The incision itself healed up just fine though I was surprised by how long it took for the steri strips to come off the scar. Steri strips are the glue tape that goes on over your C-section incision to keep the stitches in place and hold everything together while the scar heals. The Doctors say you can gently pat the area of your incision with a washcloth when you shower, but not to scrub at it, or soak the area for the first week. Everyone said to me that the strips would fall off on their own after about 10 days. Mine didn't. My belly was still so big that I couldn't see my incision unless I stood in front of a full length mirror and leaned back. I wasn't sure where the ends of the actual cut were since the strips go beyond the edges of the incision and it was very creepy for me to touch the area and feel only numbness above the scar and only hard tacky glue strips on top of the scar. I was worried the stitches weren't healed so I waited two weeks and then a bit longer and still the steri strips were perfectly glued in place. They were getting really dirty from sweater lint and fuzz and they looked terrifying but I wasn't able to pick them off because it felt like I was peeling my skin off every time I tried. Finally I got into a tub and soaked until they just slipped off easily.

The Scar: Numbness

I wasn't prepared for the odd numb sensation above my scar, it felt like my hand had fallen asleep and I was touching someone else stomach, that's how little feeling their was. The lack of feeling only extended about an inch and a half above the scar but it was very strange. Around four months after my surgery the numbness above my scar finally began to fade away. But I talked to a nurse in the NICU who told me that she was still numb around her scar for one year postpartum and I’ve heard that for some people the feeling never completely comes back (especially after multiple C-sections) so just be aware that results really vary from person to person and try not to think about it too much.

Breastmilk, Breast Pumps and Feeding

Because of her traumatic birth my baby needed to be intubated and tube fed and she was not able to take any food by mouth for the first three weeks. The morning after she was born I was introduced to a breast pump. I had never even thought about pumping milk, I assumed I would be breastfeeding my baby. It quickly became apparent to me that the only thing I had any control over in this scary situation was my own breastmilk. My baby was so far out of my control and we weren't even able to hold her or do anything for her at first so pumping milk became my central mothering focus. Luckily Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) has a dedicated pair of trained lactation consultants on rotation and they showed me how to use the pump and explained very bluntly what would happen to my milk supply if I didn't follow their rigorous schedule. They put the fear in me and I pumped my colostrum and breast milk around the clock, setting my alarm to wake up every two hours through the night. The process was exhausting: assembling the pump, staying awake for the full 20 to 30 minutes of pumping, collecting and labeling the milk, cleaning all the parts and then falling asleep only to have to do it all again in 2 hours. Nevertheless I persisted and I was very lucky that my milk supply came in with no issues. After the first week of being given only IV vitamin nutrients my baby was finally well enough to be able to be fed my milk exclusively through a tiny feeding tube that went in her nose and directly down into her stomach. Luckily by then I already had amassed a good supply of frozen colostrum and milk for them to feed her

After two weeks of being intubated the breathing tube was removed and then a week later she was finally able to try breast and bottle feeding for the first time at 23 days old.When we first tried breastfeeding she surprised the nurses by being able to latch on right away but it was too tiring for her so she wasn't able to get enough milk. We worked really hard every day trying to teach her how to take all her milk orally. After 5 weeks in the NICU she was well enough to be discharged but she wasn’t strong enough or coordinated enough to get her nutritional needs met by oral feeding alone and she was still getting more than half her milk through the feeding tube at every meal. In order to get us discharged home without her needing a long term feeding tube I spent a week with her in a special rehab hospital just teaching her to drink from a bottle. It was hard work and I still had to pump every two hours to keep up my milk supply because she wasn’t able to latch and nurse efficiently herself. After a week of trial and error and really intense effort she finally understood how to effectively suck from a bottle and we were given permission to go home.

From Bottles to Breastfeeding

Once we were home I went through another intense week-long process of teaching her how to breastfeed. We began with a nipple shield and I tried many different positions to help her latch more deeply. The two most helpful tools for me were “biological or laid back nursing” and “the deep latch technique”. After several days of frustration and tons of internet research and really focused effort she learned how to nurse with a nipple shield. I remember the first time we left the house without the ball and chain of breast pumps and bottles. It was amazing. The feeling of liberation and freedom was incredible, just me and my baby out in the world living our lives! After another few days of intense effort I was able to slip the nipple shield away and have her continue nursing without it and then we were truly free, not reliant on any devices or tools, just me feeding my baby the way I had always imagined it. By the time she was two months old our nursing relationship was solid. I feel really lucky that she was able to adapt and learn a whole new way of drinking milk so many times, first the bottles, then the nipple shield and finally just my breast.

Tongue and Lip Ties

She had tongue and lip ties which had to be remediated (cut) by a specialist oral surgeon when she was four months old and after that her latch got much better and she stopped making so many gulping and clicking sounds when she nursed and she began to really gain weight. It's been smooth sailing ever since and now at 20 months old she still nurses on demand throughout the day and night. Our breastfeeding relationship is so sweet and intimate and I’m so glad that we were able to create this lovely connection after such a tough start.

Finding Emotional Closure

I felt so grateful to the medical community that helped my baby to survive and recover from her birth but at the same time I felt so much sadness and regret about losing the birth experience I had wanted. I had planned for and dreamed of an intimate, quiet, natural birth at home surrounded by my own familiar belongings and by people I knew and trusted. I wanted to go through the stages of labor, I wanted to experience my body doing something powerful and instinctive. I wanted to be able to reach down and feel my baby's head being born. I wanted to try being in a birthing pool and find out what that was like. I wanted to do something ceremonial and meaningful with the placenta and the umbilical cord afterwards, like plant a tree over them.

The birth experience I ended up with was the absolute opposite of that in all ways. It was invasive, stressful and full of loud medical machines beeping and the terrible sound of the doppler picking up my baby's slow, slow heartbeat. I was surrounded by people I didn't know. Because of the placental abruption my contractions were perhaps more intense and painful than they would have been at that early stage, I felt the power of my body but it felt out of control like a hurricane ripping through. I was only 5cm dilated when they took me to surgery, I never got to the pushing phase. The birth itself took place in an operating room, was 100% medicalized and extremely scary and high stakes for all involved. I was unconscious when my baby came into the world and I didn't see her at all until four hours later as she was about to be wheeled onto the helicopter. I could only see her forehead because her mouth and nose were covered in intubation tubing so I reached up from my bed and touched the side of her forehead through an opening in the incubator. Then I didn't see her again for nearly 24 hours as I waited for one of the Island's limited ambulances to become available to drive me up to Boston the next day. The Placenta and umbilical cord were sent up to Boston to be analyzed by the pathology laboratory to try to find out what had happened. When I finally tracked my placenta down several weeks later it had been entombed in formaldehyde and was given to me in a plastic bag labeled “Hazardous waste”. When I received my plastic bag full of hazardous material a sweet young medical fellow told me gently that it would be unsafe and possibly illegal to put it in the ground and plant a tree over it. This last loss brought all the other losses up in a sudden wave and the poor medical student was suddenly confronted with my despairing tears. I had been looking forward to carrying out at least one piece of my shattered birth dream and hoped to find some closure and peace through ceremony. It felt almost unbearably unfair to have had no control over my birth experience and now to lose control over what I did with my afterbirth as well.

On my baby's first birthday I had a small ceremonial tree planting and I buried the tiny piece of umbilical stump that had fallen off my baby when she was a few weeks old. It wasn't the ceremony I had envisioned but it still felt like a wound closing, like a bit of healing. I still feel great loss and sadness about the birth experience I didn't get to have. The feelings come up most often when I'm nursing my baby in the darkness in the middle of the night and my thoughts ramble. This sadness seems to be quite common among women who did not plan to have a C-section. Time does iron out the wrinkles, but at least for me I think I will always have some sadness when I think of my baby's birth.  

She survived and we both healed up and time has passed and although the memories are still sharp and hurtful to think about the simple truth is that we were both so lucky to be living in the 21st century. We are so lucky to be living near a world class hospital with all the advanced medical knowledge, machines, and drugs that kept my baby alive. We are so lucky to live in a time when such highly trained specialist doctors and nurses are capable of fixing traumatic birth injuries and saving mothers and babies from the near certain death of something like a placental abruption. The gratitude and amazement never leave me. Becoming a mother has been a wonder and a joy and every day has felt simple and bright after the crazy start we had.

Rhiana Westlund

I had a normal vaginal delivery with my first baby but ended up having a C-section with my second. I ended up in labor the day before my scheduled 39 week induction, due to large size. Thanks, gestational diabetes! Rocked an all natural labor for the first 24hrs. Ended up with an epidural at 9 cm since I wasn’t progressing and my cervix wasn’t able to slide back over baby boys head. After 2hrs of pushing, care providers wanted me to stop so I tried nitrous to relax, it was so painful and nearly impossible to stop pushing so I opted for the epidural. Didn’t get one with Frances, epidurals are so bizarre... complete numbness and cold shakes, at least for me. After another 4 hrs of not progressing to full dilation or cervix swelling going down, I opted to discuss pros and cons of a c-section. It was up to me, continue to try vaginal or submit to c-section. I made the call to do a c-section and so glad I did. Once our baby boy was out, our midwife, doctor, nurses and even anesthesiologist agreed it was the best decision for me and the baby. I'm in love and so grateful we’re both safe. What a beautiful few hours it has been, so very different from the post labor experience with (my first baby) Frances. Liam was born after 36 hrs of labor. Weighing in at 9lbs, 21 inches and 15 inch head circumference. He’s an adorable chunky monkey, with loads of hair.

Just a friendly reminder you’re all strong, wise and capable of great feats. Be flexible, honor your body and listen to the wisdom within! The human body rocks!

It’s been a few days now and our little family of four is settling in nicely at home. Naturally, I had a hard time staying put once home and was up and about too much. Our pediatrician gave me a gentle reminder that I just had major abdominal surgery and to take time to rest. Liam and I are excited to enjoy a day in bed doing just that, resting. Little man slept two stretches of four hours last night which was unexpected and gratefully received by his mommy and daddy. Frances, as always, was a champ and slept a solid 11.5 hours. Happy to report Frankie is doing amazing with the new dynamic of being a big sister. Overall she’s indifferent about her baby brother. What impresses me most is her patience with my limited interaction and attention. Also her calmness as she watches her brother nurse around the clock. I actually nursed Frankie through pregnancy, 1-2 times a day. This morning I woke up engorged with my new milk supply. It was such peace of mind to nurse Liam while Daddy and Frankie read books next to us. Once Liam finished I invited Frankie to help relieve the other side (so much better than a pump!)…she didn’t fuss once while waiting her turn and she listened when I said “ok, after I sing three songs we’ll be all done nursing” she immediately released and continued to happily read books. Celebrating the small victories and prepared for the ebb and flow which is sure to come as we transition to a family of four. Taking it one day at a time.

Alison Taylor Enos

I had a surprise C-section due to Kathryn having some distress. It turned out that she was MUCH bigger/longer/heavier than they thought. Two doctors were with me for the operation as I was considered a high risk. I had part of the experience of labor, three days, before they found that K was having some trouble. To tell the truth, I don't remember a lot of that time. I was semi-conscious for the birth, in that my tolerance for the medication left me not quite unconscious. Not feeling things properly but still responding. I do remember them putting her on my chest, me talking to her and her talking back! The nurses were astonished and I finally succumbed to sleep! I had no problems afterward, no need for painkillers and no guilt regarding having a C-section. I didn't and don't believe the shit that some people try to make a mother believe about C-sections. It does not matter if you have a vaginal birth, a c-section or adopt. You are just as much of a mom in each case!

Emily LaPierre

At the beginning of May, I had my last ultrasound. Aurora was measuring at 6.5 pounds, in which we were told that she would grow at a half-pound per week. Her due date being on June 9th, meant that she would be about 9/9.5 pounds. My jaw fell to my chest, but I knew that it was a possibility. I had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes at the end of March and was able to maintain everything with just diet and exercise. This did not fully surprise me on her size.

My husband and I expressed our concern about her current size and questioned whether or not a cesarean section would be expected. We were told that ultrasounds are usually off by a pound or two, give or take. GIVE OR TAKE?! I couldn't imagine she was more than that! All I knew was that she was "feeling" heavy. We were told that we would not go past 40.5 weeks and induction would happen if she didn't make things happen by her due date, due to my gestational diabetes.

June 9th approached quickly and in our last prenatal appointment, we learned that I was not dilated, at all. Induction was scheduled for that Monday, June 10th, at 8:00 am.

My husband and I went over all of the possibilities and ran through all of the "what-if" scenarios. We had a birth plan that we knew would be altered but went through it again in all types of ways with different outcomes. We had discussed the c-section route before but never knew what that entailed. We did a small amount of research but weren't really mentally prepared for it.

Walking into the hospital on the morning of June 10th, I was so unsure of what was to be expected, all I knew was that I couldn't wait to meet my baby girl!

As I rode the elevator and shuffle/waddled while slightly arched forward due to the heaviness of my belly, I knew that I couldn't wait for my baby girl to be here, no matter what. We didn't have a preference as to how we wanted to give birth, just that we wanted our daughter here safely. I fully knew that I wanted to try my hardest to push off an epidural as long as I could, but wanted to have the epidural for comfort more for the anxiety of the pain. I knew that I personally wasn't going to be able to have a "natural" birth, and was not opposed to anything that needed to be done.

At 9:25 am the induction started, Pitocin drip. I sat as comfortably as I could, in a hospital gown and tall socks, watching a movie marathon on TV. As the hours went by,  my husband and I passed the time with the humor of funny videos, every giggle was accompanied by a nurse walking in to increase the Pitocin. (Note to self, watching funny videos helps take the intensity of the pain down). As the hours of the morning quickly turned into the early evening, progress was being made, but very little.

Between the frequent dilation checks, staff shift changes and my water being broken by the midwife,  I FINALLY started to feel the Pitocin working. Labor pains started to increase. I wanted to labor in the water so my husband assisted the nurses to make this happen for me.

I hadn't had the epidural yet, because I wanted to hang in there a little longer.

The Pitocin was increased again before getting into the labor bathtub. All of a sudden I was vomiting over the railing of the bed and on to the floor. Apparently, the quick increase of the Pitocin did not agree with what my body was trying to do.

As I got into the bathtub the contractions were VERY strong. The bathtub helped the contractions, as I sat there letting my lower body float on top of the water.

I finally requested the epidural and then instantly asked if it had arrived, just seconds after asking for it. (Note: if you want an epidural, ask for it as soon as you know you want to have one and start to get uncomfortable, you will not be reminded and it takes a while.)

I got out of the bathtub to try to find a better position to be in until the anesthesiologist arrived with the epidural. What felt like forever, only 30 minutes, the anesthesiologist finally arrived! The computer system got locked and they could not process through the epidural prescription. At this point, my contractions were very close and I was in active labor. I had no control over pushing and it was a strange feeling.

Apparently, you are not able to have an epidural when you are in active labor.

As my contractions increased, with the Pitocin still dripping through my IV line, it was getting close to impossible to sit still. Your body contracts and pushes all on its own, this was interesting to experience, as it felt I had no control over my body.

The epidural finally went in and now my body was able to focus on the task at hand, time to push! As the epidural kicked in, I started to not be able to feel my legs. I couldn't tell if I was really pushing my hardest or not.

My husband was holding my legs as I pushed, and the midwife said she should be out in an hour. ONE HOUR?! That seemed like a very long time. Fast forward FOUR HOURS, that's right, FOUR HOURS of pushing later. We were faced with the decision of having to use the "vacuum" or do a c-section. The midwife told me I would only have three pushes to get her out, or she may be in distress if we used the vacuum.

Tired and exhausted, I sat there and agreed to attempt the vacuum approach. The midwife and doctor on call, called in the team. After further consideration and seeing how exhausted I was, my husband made the executive decision to opt for a c-section instead. I agreed it was the better option as well.

He consulted the midwife, nurses and on-call doctor about this decision. They prepped me for the surgery and gave my husband a pair of scrubs. His face looked worried, mine was exhausted and relieved that she would be here so soon. I had no idea what was ahead but I knew that it was almost over and soon our daughter would be in our arms.

I rolled down to the operation room, where awaited 12 on-call staff members, all waiting to do this. The time was in the early AM of June 11th. Everyone looked tired but had high spirits and positive vibes for me. Each one excited and distracting me from the intensity of the room.

I wasn't scared, everything seemed safe with so many people in the room, ready to help if needed. The anesthesiologist helped me get comfortable with more medication to numb everything from the waist down. I was ready to go, they called my husband in.

He was nervous, I was reassuring him everything would be okay. The anesthesiologist stayed up close with us to talk us through distraction. He asked if we had a phone or camera and if we wanted him to take pictures. We were too afraid to watch, so we preferred the curtain to be up.

The room was a nice temperature, as I was hot upstairs while pushing. It felt cool but not too cold. The medication caused me to shiver, but I didn't feel cold.

Moments later I hear a little squeak. I looked at my husband with instant tears in my eyes and asked, "Is that her?!" He looked at me and said, "Of course it is, she is here!"

Tears fell down my face and his as well. She was whisked away to the on-call pediatrician to evaluate her. Just a few seconds later I hear a small cry, she is carried over to me and was a chunky little muffin! She was placed on my chest and instantly stopped crying. She touched my face and my heart melted. At 4:33 am, Aurora Leigh was finally here and she was perfect! Aurora means "dawn" and just as the sun was rising, she came into our world.

At the end, it didn't matter to me the way that she got here, just that she was safe. This unplanned c-section led me to the happiest of endings, still getting to hold my daughter. As the doctor was putting everything back (shiver), he said that her shoulders were so broad that she probably wouldn't have "fit" the "other" way with ease. It looked like we made the right choice.

We went into the recovery room for one hour, to be sure that the medicine was wearing off nicely. There Aurora was latched on to breastfeed. My husband, Aurora and I were able to bond during this time, as doctors were coming in to check on us. We were over the moon.

After that hour, we were brought back up to our room in the maternity wing. Not long after, I was asked to stand and try to walk a little bit. Movement is key within the first day, to help your recovery and to make sure the blood is flowing in your legs.

I first stood up and my legs were shaky, it was weird to stand and notice that I was no longer pregnant. You will still feel small contraction type feelings in your belly for a little while. That was weird to me. Noticing that just 24 hours earlier, Aurora was in my belly and kicking away and now she was laying in her Dad's arms as I relearned how to stand.

After practicing walking and moving and finally going into the bathroom alone, I definitely recommend taking all of the assistance that you can get at first. For me, I am not someone who likes assistance and find it difficult to ask for help. After the c-section, it was easy to ask for. I physically could not do much.

Before my c-section, I wish I was more educated on the process, and normalcy of it. Today, we are all normalized with wanting a "natural" birth that it makes it challenging to accept the reality of anything else. I had my thoughts and opinions on how I wanted to give birth and any of the ways had pros and cons and the reality of it was, she was coming whether it was my "dream" way or not.

Thinking back to my surgery and the days and weeks and months that have followed, I don't have any regrets and am comfortable with the choice that was made. I was still able to bond well with my daughter right away and so was my husband. Especially with how large she was, 9 pounds and 4.5 ounces, it is a fair assumption (as the doctor said) that he positioning wouldn't have allowed her to come out any other way.I am grateful to have such an amazing support system and a husband who can advocate for our family.

The recovery process was challenging, only because I couldn't do a lot on my own for a while. I was lucky to have my husband home with me for two weeks. Those two weeks allowed me to rest and have assistance doing things throughout the day. Today, at almost 5 months postpartum, I have a slight soreness in my stomach where my pant line lands. I am still wearing leggings or my maternity jeans for comfort in that area, hoping it will pass with time.

My husband and I discussed what we would like to do for our next child, and though my incision allows me to attempt a vaginal birth after my c-section (VBAC), we have opted to have a c-section for our second child, whenever that may be.

Good luck and know that you are not alone!

Elizabeth Francis

I was young and I wish I had known so much more headed into my planned hospital delivery. I was 41 weeks and had gone in the morning before my daughter's birth for the midwife to check on us. She ended up accidentally breaking my water and I began leaking. I was group B strep positive so I needed antibiotics once my water broke. I was told to go home, get my things and head to maternity. I did just that. Once there I wasn't progressing, they told me I needed Pitocin and that they would start antibiotics. Though I had never been allergic to Penicillin before, in labor I was. I went into full anaphylaxis. From here the memories are kind of fuzzy. They stopped Pitocin, brought me down to the ER, gave me an EpiPen and monitored both me and babies heart rates for a couple hours before bringing us back to maternity to begin inducing me again. I had planned on no medication for pain and wanted to go as natural as possible. I was hooked up to Pitocin all night and was doing fine with the pain. Morning came quickly and they told me I had to get a c-section because my water had broken 24 hours prior. This was so hard for me but my body was exhausted and I just wanted my baby at this point. They had a hard time placing the epidural but they got it eventually and she was in my arms before I knew it. The happiness overpowered everything that happened before. But then the spinal headache came...it was awful. I couldn't stand without vomiting. I had to lay flat for the first few weeks of my newborns life.

I wish I had known to ask to stay home until I progressed naturally a little more.

I wish I had said no to Pitocin.

I wish I had known that even if I was leaking there was still plenty (of fluid) in there for baby.

I wish I had been educated on spinal headaches, blood patches etc.

I wish I had advocated for myself and my daughter more.

Right now we just have our one girl, I'm hoping for a VBAC the second time around but that means being off island.

My recovery I think was so different than most, so i'm not sure how much advice I can give. All that helped me was lying flat and when I needed to get up (bathroom, shower etc) I had to make a plan so that I was quick and would hopefully not get sick from the pain. It was a lot harder than I expected. (Failed blood patch and I refused to try for a second one.)

I do still have a lot of numbness in my lower abdomen and my daughter is three! The doctors said working those muscles would change that, but still no luck.

I strongly believe that if I had better advocated for myself my birth story would be very different. I don't regret the experience because in the end I got the best gift ever, but I do think when we decide to try for baby number two I will make sure to do a better job of advocating for both myself and baby.

Kathryn Vieira

When I was expecting my first child, I felt incredibly supported by our very “baby friendly” community. I attended prenatal yoga to help my body prepare for the endurance of labor, and I attended birthing classes at the hospital to give me good insight for what might be in store for me. My husband learned the hip squeezes and how to be my human jungle gym to help me in labor, and I was really looking forward to going through having as natural a birth as possible.

As birthing class made me well aware, unexpected interventions were needed. First, it was minimal pain management, and then something to help me rest. Before I knew it, I was getting an epidural. The contractions were disorganized, lasting for five minutes each, the baby’s heart rhythm became irregular and then a c-section was needed. I fought for a natural birth for as long as I could, but my baby’s health was at risk, so there was no question that I needed to give up. That’s how I felt, like I was “giving up.” After 42 weeks of pregnancy, and 37 hours of labor, and 9.5 cm dilation, I didn’t even get the chance to push. I was so close to my goal, and it had disappeared in a flash. I cried, feeling like I had failed, but knew it was time to accept going under the knife. I asked the team to wheel me down to the OR discretely, because I didn’t want to risk seeing other family members on our way. I needed to wrap my mind around what was about to happen. I felt like an actor, needing to take some time by myself before hitting the stage to get into character. I didn’t realize until after the fact, that I was embracing a form of meditation. I needed to breath. Running through my head was combination of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, saying, “ I’m a failure, I will never experience REAL childbirth.” and “This is is my first big move as a mom. I am consenting to be cut open, even though it’s the last thing I wanted, to bring my baby into the world.” When all was said and done after 37 hours of labor, my son, Charles, was safely delivered, and I feel blessed for that. During the surgery they discovered that he had been presenting with his head tucked ear to shoulder which is why he was not progressing and also the cord had been wrapped around his neck causing the irregular heart rate.

The c-section was harder to recover from than I could have imagined. I remember feeling like a turtle, stuck on my back, with my crying son on my chest, completely unable to engage my stomach muscles to turn or sit up. I had to throw something at my sleeping husband for him to come rescue me in the hospital bed. After going home, it was hard to stay off the stairs, no driving, no carrying anything heavier than the baby... I felt helpless, at the same time, my body was exhausted and I felt maxed out. Two years later, the area of my incision still felt sore whenever I would sneeze.

My son is now 2.5 years old, and I am 6 months pregnant with our second child. I was able to attend prenatal yoga last night for the second time in this pregnancy, and it was great! Time has given me a very different outlook on my c-section, and I am approaching this next birth from a completely different perspective. I had given serious thought to a trial of labor, or vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC), but have ultimately decided on a repeat c-section.

Here are a few of the factors that have played into my decision: Martha’s Vineyard Hospital does not offer VBACs. I don’t want to live off island with my nearly 3 year old, away from my home and husband for potentially 4 weeks. There are some major risks associated with VBACs, and vaginal births on their own. I feel I can be a better mom to my toddler in the weeks leading to this birth, by planning a c-section. There are more contributing factors, but these are the ones that really stand out to me. This being said, what I take from prenatal yoga is different this time, my husband’s role is different, and how family and friends can support my family afterwards is different. Starting with yoga, I am less concentrated on opening my pelvis and breathing through contractions, but I am focusing on the strength I will need after my surgery, both physically and mentally, to be a a mom, after being sliced across my middle. I will have to breathe as the anesthesiologist places the needle in my spine, and breathe again and again, as my body wakes up, and all while I am welcoming my new baby into a world that feels comfortable and loving. I will try to come into chivasana, as I am uncomfortably trying to find sleep, and I will try to remember to Ohm in impatience, and moments of gratitude. I am already dreading the night before this birth. Yes, I will be excited to meet my baby, but I’m also going to be anticipating the discomfort, the beginning of a hard journey all over again, and my last night being able to shower all of my love on one child. It’s hard knowing that one on one time with him is going to become scarce over the next few months, and that I’m always going to have to tell him to be careful with Mama’s body, and I won’t be able to pick him up, when he asks for a hug.

All of this being said, I don’t feel like there is much preparation for us mothers who are planning a c-section. Many of us are not first time moms, but some are, and I wish that there was more information for us. How can we prepare our bodies for surgery? How can we help our bodies to heal after surgery? How can I feel connected to my birth, when it’s out of my hands? How can my partner be a part of the birth? What can my family and friends do to help?

Kara Lee Steigelman

my c-section was not planned, I wouldn't dilate any more than 5 centimeters. The surgery was easier than I expected. I was nervous at first cause that was my very first surgery. I went home two days after being in the hospital. I just kept taking my meds.

And no I'm not grieving, I was just happy to meet my baby boy. I didn't care how I had him. And my body is still the same. For anyone to have a C-section it doesn't matter how you have him or her as long as he or she is healthy. Today I am pain free and I don't even notice my scar at all. The doctors did an awesome job.

Juliane Wagner (In France)

My plan and greatest wish was to give birth at home. I knew that I needed to feel completely safe and connected to my inner world. As it was my first child, I wanted to be accompanied by a midwife. I found one lovely midwife with whom I prepared a home birth at a friend's house because we lived too far away from hospital. When I was seven months pregnant, my midwife became pregnant herself and she decided not to be able to accompany me. I found another midwife, but she lived very far away and I somehow didn't connect with her.

The day of Oscar's birth, when contractions started, me and my companion were at our friend's house. I felt very much at ease, took warm showers and was welcoming contractions on my gym ball as they came and went. However, I had no midwife and my companion was very much under stress. So we decided to go to hospital.

Once arrived at the hospital, my whole body became very tense because I didn't feel at ease and wasn't able to cope with the sterile and busy atmosphere. I couldn't stay connected to my inner world and got upset about the staff. I did not feel safe and welcomed in a moment where I needed most of all to be myself.

After a night and long morning hours at the hospital, birth didn't come naturally. In the night the nurse had given me a drug as contractions were nearly all the time without any pause. Next day, just before noon, I was in the delivery room. At one point they told me that the birth was not advancing and the baby's heartbeat was irregular, so the doctor recommended an emergency c-section.

I was crying and crying and crying. I was afraid and sad about what was happening. That was the opposite of what I had planned. When the anesthetics started working, somebody came to hold my hand. This was so important for me. This person was saving me from being completely desperate. I felt seen, held and accompanied in that moment.

When I woke up from anesthetics, Oscar was in my room in an incubator. He looked at me. Our eye contact felt very intense. Even though he wasn’t in my arms, I felt that our bond was established. I remember that moment as heart-opening and beautiful. Then I fell asleep again as the anesthetics were still strong.

Breastfeeding worked perfectly and straight away, which was wonderful. I had Oscar close to me nearly all the time. He was sleeping next to me and we developed a harmonic rhythm of sleeping, feeding and resting in those first seven days in hospital.

In the first three days, I wasn’t able to get out of bed because the wound had to heal. In my experience the scar took a long time to heal. It was difficult for me to carry Oscar around for longer periods for the next two month after having given birth. The scar was sensitive to touch even for several years.

After having been released from hospital, I did not realize how much I had suffered psychologically from the intervention. I didn’t look for any therapy to deal with the traumatic experience straight away. Today (Oscar is 9 years old), I practice a body mind approach (called Trager) which helps me create healing through experience on cellular level. Even when I wrote this text, I realized that I still hadn’t found peace inside me. I feel enormous gratitude to be able express myself here to heal the inner wound.